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Sunday, January 30, 2011

Re: Self loathing and being awesome.

It's almost 4 AM where I am and I still can't sleep. My body just hates me like that.

Just finished reading Overthinker's latest blog post over at

My response was:

"If I have a friend who treats me like how I treat myself, at least I'll have someone to smoke with. It's a little lonely being the only smoker in my immediate circle of friends.

I'm kidding, of course. Not about the smoking part, but about how much better my life will be with a friend like that."

Is it short-sighted? Very. 

See, the major problem with me and the whole "If you had a friend who treated you the way you treat yourself, how long would you stay friends?" question is that I find it hard to smoother myself with the kind of self-love that everyone deems so necessary nowadays. And if such a friend exists, she would be the most overbearing, judgmental bitch on Earth, with no clear goal for me except to let me the hell be and never expect anything worthwhile from me. She would still make snarky remarks, of course, but she will never do anything that will push me to where I need to be.

Sounds lovely, doesn't it? The worst part is that despite the obvious glaring flaws this "friend" has, I would still continue to be friends with her. Why? Because since she's so critical of me, at least I can be sure that she will never, ever spare my feelings. And in that, somewhere, lies the truth. A very twisted form of the truth, but the truth nonetheless.

Of course, this question wouldn't be such a huge problem if only we weren't so damn critical on ourselves. But who else can we count on to be the best judge of our actions? You can hide from parents and friends and people, but you can never hide from yourself. God? As religious as I am, which really isn't that much, I'm sure He can see everything. But there's no feedback. There's no push, no thunder and fire to set our sorry asses to action. Counting on sign from God? Good luck with that.

In the end, only we can see the mistakes in ourselves and fix them. Or forgive ourselves and forget them. So, yeah... We're kinda screwed in that regard.


  1. I feel your pain its 1:30 pm here and Ive been awake more than 24hrs

  2. Lol I have been having trouble sleeping lately..anyways followed!!

  3. Just remember, we're all alright, the world's all wrong.

  4. Hmm, very in depth, I really feel as if I am out of my depth sometimes but I mostly struggle back to touch the bottom of the pool sometimes. FOllowing @

  5. Over-thinking, over-an-alyzing seperatesthebody from the mind.

    Well, they weren't completely correct in my opinion, but they did call themselves "Tool".

    Realize that each person is a system, a set of algorithms. They change, the person changes, everything changes. The variance and predictability is the key to not turning into an old and useless lump of flesh.

    Maybe. I could be full of lies as well. You must decide. Even if your decision is not to decide.

    ha~ ha~

  6. It's such a weird balance between "We are our own worst judges" and "only we can fix our problems." Interesting food for thought, followed.